Ruling on not obeying parents with regard to medical treatment

Praise
be to Allah.

Firstly: 

Obedience to parents is not
absolute, as is the case with obedience to Allah and His Messenger; rather
there are some situations in which one is not obliged to obey one’s parents
and in fact it is forbidden to do so, such as if they tell one to do
something which involves disobedience to Allah. 

Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: The son is not obliged to obey them in everything
they tell him to do or in everything they tell him not to do, according to
scholarly consensus.

End quote from Ihkaam al-Ahkaam
Sharh ‘Umdat al-Ahkaam, 2/296

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: 

With regard to that which is
beneficial to the individual and is not harmful to the parents, there is no
obligation to obey the parents, whether they forbid it or allow it, because
it does not cause any harm and it serves an interest (for the child). Any
father who forbids his son to do something that is in his best interests and
would not cause any harm to the father is mistaken and is severing the ties
of kinship, because what the father should do is encourage his children,
both sons and daughters, to do everything that is good. An example is when
some women prevent their daughters from fasting during the ayaam al-beed (13^th,
14^th and 15^th of the Hijri month), or fasting on
Mondays and Thursdays, on the grounds that this is too hard for them, even
though the one who is going through the difficulty and hardship is the
daughter who is fasting. Therefore the parent has no right to prevent the
child, male or female, from doing any act of worship, unless that will cause
some harm to either of the parents, such as if the father of mother needs
nursing in illness, for example, and if the son or daughter focuses on this
act of worship it will cause harm to the father or mother. In that case they
may tell him or her not to do it, and they are required to refrain, because
honouring parents is obligatory whereas doing voluntary acts of worship is
not obligatory.

End quote. Ash-Sharh al-Mumti‘,
8/13-14 

Secondly: 

To sum up the words of the
scholars, there are conditions for obedience to parents: 

1.    
Obeying
them should not involve disobedience to Allah, because there is no obedience
to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. See the
answer to question no. 162423. 

2.    

Obedience to them should be for the purpose of bringing some benefit to them
or warding off some harm from them, without being unreasonable or causing
too much trouble for the children. But if they are telling their child to do
something because of a lack of reason or knowledge, or because of being
unreasonable and stubborn, and obeying them will be detrimental to the
interests of the child, then the scholars are of the view that it is not
obligatory to obey them in this case. 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah
be pleased with him) said: What is meant by disobedience to parents that is
haraam is doing or saying anything will hurt the parents, but there is no
obedience if they call their child to shirk or sin, or if the parents are
being unreasonable and stubborn.

End quote from Fath al-Baari,
10/406 

Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: The guideline on that disobedience to parents which
is haram and is a major sin, is that the son does or says something to both
parents or one of them that is extremely hurtful ccording to custom. But if
the father is extremely foolish or feebleminded, and he tells his son to do
or not to do something that if he goes against them it would not customarily
be regarded as disobedience, then his son is not committing an evil action
by going against his wishes in that case.

End quote from az-Zawaajir
‘an ‘Iqtiraab al-Kabaa’ir, 2/76 

3.    
Obeying
the parent should not cause harm to the child, because in cases where harm
will result, obligations and duties are waived. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah
(may Allah have mercy on him) said: The individual is obliged to obey his
parents in that which does not involve sin, even if they are evildoers …
This applies to that which is beneficial for them and will not harm him…
Because obligations are waived if they will result in harm, and it is haraam
to obey in that which involves sin, and there is no obedience to any created
being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.

End quote from al-Akhbaar
al-‘Ilmiyyah min al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah by al-Ba‘li, p. 170 

It says in al-Furooq by
al-Quraafi (1/267-268): Just as we say that it is not allowed for him to
hurt them, we also say that it is not allowed for them to hurt him. End
quote. 

Al-‘Adawi al-Maaliki (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: Likewise there is no obligation to obey them in
giving up something when that will result in harm to the child, such as if
he tells him to give up his livelihood or craft.

End quote from Haashiyat al-‘Adawi,
4/289 

Thirdly: 

From the above it is clear that
if not having medical treatment will be harmful to you or will cause
increased pain, and your parents are not letting you get medical treatment
or have surgery simply because of what people will say, or because of
traditions and customs, or other invalid reasons, then you are not obliged
to obey your parents in this case. Having surgery and going against their
wishes is not regarded as disobedience and is not mistreating them. 

But it remains to be seen how
this aim will be achieved, especially since you are not able to go out of
the house without their permission, let alone have this surgery, and afford
the necessary costs, consultations with doctors, and so on. 

In that case, we do not think
that your problem can be solved except by communicating with your parents
and trying to convince them; you could seek the help of rational and wise
people among your family and relatives, who could convince your parents. 

You could also come to an
agreement with them, with the help of advisors, to get a second medical
opinion from a trustworthy doctor who is known for having the skills that
you need. Perhaps his words will convince them and win their approval. 

If there is a way to get
government-sponsored treatment in a safe and trustworthy manner, which does
not need any money from you, there is nothing wrong with making use of it,
even if your parents do not agree, but you should try hard to make sure that
some trustworthy women among your relatives will accompany you. 

However, we do not think that
you should escalate this matter to the level of a conflict with your parents
that may sour your relationship with them in the future and make it worse
than the pain of the sickness that you are suffering at present. 

We ask Allah to grant you
complete healing and well-being, and to help your parents and guide them to
that which is good and beneficial. 

And Allah knows best.