If the head of the family refuses to do the udhiyah on Eid al-Adha for no reason, is it permissible for his wife to ask someone else to buy an udhiyah and slaughter it on behalf of the family? Is this acceptable? I hope that you can explain that in the light of the Qur’an and Sunnah.

Praise
be to Allah

The udhiyah is
an act of worship that is encouraged in Islamic teaching, with no
differentiation between men and women, or between married or unmarried
women. This is indicated by the general meaning of the texts which speak of
the udhiyah, without any restrictions or limitations.

If a woman can
afford it, it is Sunnah for her to offer an udhiyah on behalf of herself and
on behalf of her household, from her own wealth, especially if the head of
the household refuses to perform this ritual.

Ibn Hazm (may
Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Muhalla (6/37): The udhiyah for a
traveller is the same as it is for one who is not travelling, and there is
no differentiation; the same applies in the case of a woman, because Allah,
may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and
do good”
[al-Hajj 22:88],
and offering the udhiyah is a good deed. All of those whom we have mentioned
need to do good deeds, and are encouraged to do so. If we remember what the
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said
concerning the udhiyah, without differentiating between Bedouin and town
dweller, traveller and non-traveller, male and female, we will see that
limiting it to any such category is invalid and is not permissible. End
quote.

It says in
al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah (5/81):

Being male is
not one of the conditions of it being obligatory or Sunnah. Just as it is
obligatory for males, it is also obligatory for females, because the
evidence for it being obligatory or Sunnah applies to all. End quote.

Based on that,
if the head of the household refuses to perform this ritual, then the wife
may undertake it herself, or through another person whom she appoints to buy
it and slaughter it on her behalf, whether that is with or without the
knowledge of her husband, and with or without his permission, because the
udhiyah is a Sunnah for everyone, so if the head of the household refuses to
perform it, then his wife may undertake it.

The Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “O people, verily the
people of every household must offer an udhiyah every year…” Narrated by
Ahmad (17216) and Abu Dawood (2788); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood.

Al-Khateeb ash-Sharbeeni
(may Allah have mercy on him) narrated from the author of al-‘Uddah
that he said: It is a communal obligation if there are several members of
the household; if one of the members of the household does it, that suffices
on behalf of all of them, otherwise it is an individual Sunnah.

End quote from
Mughni al-Muhtaaj (6/123)

And Allah knows
best.