Obstacles to marriage: are they all valid excuses for young people who want to get married?

Praise
be to Allah

Firstly:

We are sure that
you know that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
enjoined young men who can afford it to get married, yet Islam did not
neglect to give advice to those who cannot afford it. They are advised in
the Qur’an to maintain chastity, and are advised in the Sunnah to fast, so
as to attain taqwa (piety, mindfulness of Allah) that will protect them from
committing haraam actions and teach them good manners and behaviour.

As for the
advice to get married, for the one who can afford it, and to fast, for the
one who cannot afford it, it is mentioned in the following hadith:

It was narrated
that ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) when we were young and had nothing with which to
get married. The Messenger of Allah  (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get
married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s
chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield
for him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(4779) and Muslim (1400).

As for the
advice to maintain chastity, for those who cannot afford to get married, It
is to be found in the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“But
let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual
relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty”

[an-Noor 24:33].

At-Tabari (may
Allah have mercy on him) said:

Allah, may He be
exalted, says: “But
let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual
relations]”
which means let those who cannot afford to marry refrain from doing that
which Allah has forbidden to them of immoral deeds, until Allah enriches
them from His vast bounty and expands His provision to them.

Tafseer at-Tabari
(19/166)

Ash-Shinqeeti
(may Allah have mercy on him) said:

This abstention
that is enjoined in this verse is also mentioned in the verses in which
Allah, May He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell
the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private
parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do”

[an-Noor 24:30]

“And
do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an
immorality and is evil as a way”

[al-Israa’
17:32],

and in other
similar verses.

Adwa’ al-Bayaan
(5/532).

The Muslim is
either able to afford to get married, in which case he must get married, or
he is unable to afford the expenses of marriage, in which case he must
abstain and remain chaste by means of fasting, lowering the gaze and keeping
away from temptation, until Allah makes it easy for him to get married.

Secondly:

Here we must
point out to this questioner and others some matters in the question that
are worth highlighting:

1.    

The poor person who does not have sufficient wealth to get
married can work harder so as to attain the means of getting married. He
could also borrow from someone else in order to get married, for Allah, may
He be exalted, has promised to help the one who wants to get married in
order to remain chaste.

Please see the
answer to question no. 102030.

2.    

In many cases, the barrier to marriage is the person himself!
That is because he is content with the obstacles that he himself has placed
in his way, or obstacles placed by his culture and tribal traditions, which
include the following:

a.    

With whatever wealth he has he could marry four women of any
nationality or tribe other than his own, but because he is committed to
marrying from his own country or tribe, he is unable to get married. In this
case he is sinning because he is neglecting his shar‘i duty to get married.
In fact he should remove these barriers and break away from these unfair
traditions, if they are going to cause him to lose his chastity, commitment
to Islam and faith. He should marry one of those whom Allah has permitted
him to marry, for Allah, may He be exalted, has not limited goodness and
religious commitment to women from his own country or tribe only.

b.    

Another example is what some of those who want to get married
say – as in the case of this questioner – that they will never marry unless
the woman agrees to live with his family, even if that leads to abandoning
the idea of marriage! Do you think that any rational person would say that
this person has a valid excuse for not marrying? Let us pause and ask this
young man – and of course we do not mean this questioner himself –: If you
wanted to commit fornication with a woman, where would you do it – in your
family’s house or elsewhere? Of course the answer would be elsewhere. So how
can he accept to commit evil outside his family’s home, yet refuse to get
married and live with his wife anywhere except in his family’s home? We are
sure that you are not one of those people, but we wanted to highlight how
those people contradict themselves! Do not give precedence to your emotions
over your religious commitment or rational thinking. Your family will not
benefit you if – Allah forbid – you were to fall into fornication, anger
your Lord and become deserving of His wrath. So reconsider the issue, and do
not make it a barrier or obstacle to your marriage.

c.     

A further example is that many young men are able to get
married and live in rented accommodation, but they delay marriage until they
can build (or buy) a house! We do not know how anyone can justify that, or
accept to look at or listen to that which is haraam, and so on, when he
could afford to get married and live in rented accommodation, but he delays
it until he can build (or buy) a house. That may take a long time, during
which he could fall into sin that it may be too difficult to rid himself of.
Therefore this is an invalid excuse, and it is not permissible for any
Muslim of sound mind to make this a reason for delaying marriage, let alone
abandoning the idea altogether.

We may say
something similar regarding the one who delays marriage until he finishes
his studies, or until he finds a good job, or until he gets promotion and a
better salary, and so on. All of these are flimsy excuses and obstacles that
he has either set up himself or has accepted when he is able to remove them
or ignore them.

Thirdly:

We cannot find
in the books of hadith – whether saheeh (sound), da‘eef (weak) or mawdoo‘
(fabricated) – the hadith that you mentioned in your question: “Be kind to
youth, for they are the basis of this ummah.” There is a hadith that is
similar in meaning, which says: “Be kind to the middle-aged, and show mercy
to the youth,” but it is mawdoo‘ (fabricated). See: al-Fatanni (p. 205) and
Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth ad-Da‘eefah wa’l-Mawdoo‘ah by al-Albaani
(5424).

Fourthly:

Taking riba-based
loans from the bank is haraam. Taking such loans for the purpose of building
a house or getting married is not a legitimate shar‘i excuse. We have
discussed this issue and the rulings concerning it, in the answers to
questions no. 21914, 95005 and 9054. For more information on your issue,
please see the answers to questions no. 33651,
26811 and 20161.

And Allah knows
best.