He jokes with his wife and says: “If you want So and so, take him”

Praise
be to Allah.

If a man says to his wife:
“If you want So and so, take him, and let his wife take your place”, that
does not count as a divorce or separation, because it does not contain any
of the words of talaaq or metaphors thereof, and it does not make his wife
haraam for him. It is also conditional on whether the wife wants that.
Such words do not count as divorce. 

However we think that this is
not appropriate, and it comes under the heading of slips of the tongue that
may lead a man to doom, because it is taking sacred limits lightly and is a
verbal transgression against the Muslims’ honour, and it is taking away the
sense of protective jealousy that protects Muslim families from immorality.
Can it be proper or dignified for a Muslim to suggest to his wife that she
be married to some other man and share his bed, even if in return for that
he will take the wife of the other man? What justification can there be for
a man to allow himself to say that and talk about that man and his wife in
that manner, when talking and joking with his wife?? 

Honourable and kind treatment
dictates that each spouse should be pleased with the other, and should know
for certain that what the Shaytaan makes him think of a happy life with
another spouse is merely foolish notions, as Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, says ( interpretation of the meaning):

“And
whoever takes Shaytaan (Satan) as a Walee (protector or helper) instead of
Allah, has surely suffered a manifest loss.

He (Shaytaan (Satan)) makes
promises to them, and arouses in them false desires; and Shaytaan’s
(Satan’s) promises are nothing but deceptions”

[an-Nisa’ 4:119-120].

Similarly, exchanges of hurtful
words between spouses may reach the level of sin, or seeking to commit
immoral deeds, whether that occurs by way of joking or in earnest, and
sometimes it may be a cause of arguments and disputes that lead to
separation. The wise man is the one who closes the door to the Shaytaan and
protects himself and his family from all kinds of evil by doing one easy
thing, of which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) told
us when he said: “Restrain your tongue, be content in your house, and weep
for your sin.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi in as-Sunan (2406); he said: A
hasan hadith. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. 

We have heard from one of the
righteous people of our times that he said: I have been married for fifty
years, and I never joked with my wife about taking a second wife, for fear
that it would break her heart. 

So a man should fear his Lord
lest he says something that is not appropriate, or lest his jokes go beyond
the limit of what is reasonable and permissible to that which is
inappropriate and hurtful, and causes trouble, and he ends up regretting it
one day, at a time when regret will not benefit him. 

And Allah knows best.