Shar’i procedures when a wife rebels

Praise
be to Allaah.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a man fears rebellious behaviour
on the part of his wife, because she shows signs of rebellion by not
responding to his requests for intimacy, or she responds but does so
reluctantly, then he should warn her and advise her to fear Allaah;
he should remind her of what Allaah has enjoined upon her of duties
and obedience, the sin involved in what she is doing and the rights
of spending and clothing that she will lose, and the fact that he is
permitted to hit her and forsake her in bed, because Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct,
admonish them (first)”[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

If she persists and shows signs of rebellion and refuses to share his
bed, then he may forsake her in bed as much as he wishes, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“(next) refuse to share their beds”[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

If she still persists, then he may hit her in a manner
that does not cause harm, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

The phrase (interpretation of the meaning): 

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man
and his wife)”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:35] 

means, if it is known to have reached this stage, then
the judge should send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator
from hers, both of whom should be trustworthy, to decide either to reconcile
and keep them together or to separate and divorce, and whatever they
do will be binding upon them. That means that if the spouses reach the
point of separation or enmity, the judge should appoint two free, Muslim
arbitrators of good character, preferably from their families, with
their approval and appointed by them, so that they can investigate the
case and do what they think is best to reconcile them or to let them
divorce by talaaq or khula’. Then whatever they do will be binding upon
them. The basis for this is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning] 

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man
and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the
other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their
reconciliation”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:35]