My husband has divorced me, after just eleven months of marriage!
My question is:
My heart is burning because he preferred his first wife over me, despite the fact that she wronged me and mistreated me. Is it haraam to pray for something bad to happen to her? Because I feel that I have no one but Allaah to defend me and settle scores for me. So I say all the time, “Allaah is sufficient for me and He is the best disposer of affairs. O Allaah, compensate me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than that.” And I say, “O Allaah, support me against the one who has wronged me, and avenge me,” and in fact I mean it.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Allaah and His Messenger have warned us against wrongdoing.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Consider not that Allaah is unaware of that which the
Zaalimoon (wrongdoers) do”
[Ibraaheem 14:42]
And the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of
wrongdoing, for wrongdoing will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2578.
One of the worst forms of wrongdoing is a husband’s
mistreatment of his wife, and not treating co-wives fairly.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines towards one of them, will come of
the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” Narrated by Abu
Dawood (2133); classed as saheeh by Ibn Hajar in Buloogh al-Maraam,
315.
Al-Dhahabi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
al-Kabaa’ir (p.109):
Wrongdoing includes wronging a woman with regard to her
dowry, spending and clothing. End quote.
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said:
A man and a woman will be taken by the hand on the Day of
Resurrection and a voice will call out before the first and the last,
saying: ‘This is So and so the son of So and so. Whoever has any dues from
this man let him come and take his dues,’ and the woman will rejoice if she
had any (unfulfilled) right over her father, or over her son, or over her
brother, or over her husband.” Then Ibn Mas’ood recited the verse
(interpretation of the meaning):
“there will be no
kinship among them that Day, nor will they ask of one another”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:101]
Allaah will forgive whomsoever He will with regard to His own
rights, but He will not forgive with regard to the rights of other people.
Narrated by al-Tabari in his Tafseer, 5/90.
Secondly:
Allaah has granted a concession to the one who has been
wronged, allowing him to settle scores with the one who wronged him in this
world; that is allowed only to an extent commensurate with the original
wrong, with no transgression, overstepping the mark or wrongdoing.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah does not like
that the evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been
wronged. And Allaah is Ever All‑Hearer, All‑Knower”
[al-Nisa’ 4:147]
Ibn Katheer said in al-Tafseer (1/572):
Ibn ‘Abbaas said concerning this verse:
Allaah does not like anyone to pray against anyone else,
except if he has been wronged, in which case He has granted a concession
allowing him to pray against the one who wronged him. That is the words “except
by him who has been wronged”. But if he bears it with patience that is
better for him. End quote.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed whosoever takes revenge after he has suffered
wrong, for such there is no way (of blame) against them.
42. The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress
men and rebel in the earth without justification; for such there will be a
painful torment”
[al-Shoora 42:41-42]
“And those who, when an oppressive wrong is done to them,
take revenge”
[al-Shoora 42:39]
It was narrated that some of the Sahaabah prayed against
those who had wronged them.
What a man from among the people of Kufah accused Sa’d ibn
Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) of something of which he was
innocent, Sa’d said: “I will pray for three things: O Allaah, if this slave
of Yours is lying, and did this to show off, then give him a long life, make
him live a life of poverty and expose him to temptations.” After that, the
man used to say: “An old man who has been tempted; the du’aa’ of Sa’d
affected me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 755; Muslim, 453.
It was narrated from
Muhammad ibn Zayd from Sa’eed ibn Zayd (may Allaah be pleased with him) that
Arwa (a woman) had a dispute with him concerning part of his house. He said:
“Let her have it, for I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Whoever takes a handspan of land
unlawfully, his neck will be encircled with it down the seven earths on the
Day of Resurrection.’ O Allaah, if she is lying then make her blind and make
her grave in her house.” He said: and I saw her blind, clinging on to the
wall, saying, “The du’aa’ of Sa’eed ibn Zayd affected me.” Whilst she was
walking in the house, she came to a well that was in the house and fell into
it, and it became her grave. Narrated by Muslim, 1610.
Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim, 11/50.
The hadeeth of Sa’eed ibn Zayd (may Allaah be pleased with
him) shows that it is permissible to pray against an aggressor or wrongdoer.
End quote.
If the one who has been wronged prays against the one who
wronged him, he should not go to extremes in that and should not overstep
the limits prescribed by Allaah.
Al-Hasan al-Basri said:
He should not pray against him, rather he should say, “O
Allaah, help me against him and give me my right from him.”
According to another
report he said: He has been granted a concession allowing him to pray
against the one who has wronged him, without transgressing the limits
against him. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/572.
The best du’aa’ that the one who has been wronged can say is
that which was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him):
It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) used to say: “O Allaah, make my hearing and my sight strong, and make
them my heirs (i.e., keep them strong until I die), and support me against
the one who has wronged me, and avenge me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab
al-Mufrad, 1/226; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Adab
al-Mufrad.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
rarely left a gathering without saying this du’aa’ for his companions: “O
Allaah, give us a share of fear of You that will keep us from disobeying
You… and grant us revenge over those who have wronged us, and grant us
victory over our aggressors.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3502; classed as
hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Thirdly:
Even better than that is
to forgive and leave the matter of the wrongdoer to Allaah, may He be
exalted, on the Day of Resurrection. The one who forgoes his right in this
world will take it in abundance in the Hereafter, and his heart will be
freed from resentment and grudges.
Al-Bukhaari entitled a chapter in his Saheeh (2/864):
Chapter: The one who has been wronged forgiving because of
the verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Whether
you (mankind) disclose (by good words of thanks) a good deed (done to you in
the form of a favour by someone), or conceal it, or pardon an evil, verily,
Allaah is Ever Oft‑Pardoning, All‑Powerful” [al-Nisa’ 4:149], “The
recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof; but whoever forgives and
makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allaah. Verily, He likes not the
Zaalimoon (oppressors, polytheists, and wrongdoers)” [al-Shoora 42:40]
and “And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly
be from the things recommended by Allaah” [al-Shoora 42:43]. End quote.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “O ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir, uphold ties with the one who cuts you off, give
to the one who withholds from you, and forgive the one who wrongs you.”
Narrated by Ahmad, 4/158; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 891.
It was narrated that
‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: a blanket of hers was
stolen, and she started to pray against the one who had stolen it, and the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not
reduce the burden of his sin.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 1497; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 2468.
Conclusion:
It is not permissible for a husband to wrong his wife,
whether she is his only wife or she has a co-wife. It is permissible for the
one who has been wronged to pray against the one who has wronged him, but it
is not permissible for him to transgress in his du’aa’. And better than
saying such a du’aa’ is to forgive.
And Allaah knows best.
