1)how does islam reconcile a son with his father when they have misunderstanding?
2) should they all be given right to speak they part, so that you figure out the problem and solve it or the father alone and blame the child?
Praise
be to Allah
The father has a high status in Islam, that is shared by no
one else except the mother.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with
him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
said: “No son can repay his father unless he finds him enslaved and buys him
and manumits him.”
Narrated by Muslim (1510)
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (may Allah be pleased
with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said: “Pleasing the Lord is attained by pleasing one’s father and
angering the Lord is done by angering one’s father.”
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1899); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
·
No
matter how bad the misunderstandings or differences between a son and his
father, he has no choice but to keep good company with him, even if the
difference between them has to do with the fundamentals of religion.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man (to
be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and
hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give
thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.
But if
they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that
of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in
the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance
and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what
you used to do”
[Luqmaan 31:14-15].
You should understand that talking and conversing with
parents is not like talking to anyone else, because you are enjoined to
lower the wing of humility towards them, speak gently, be humble, lower your
voice in their presence, act humbly towards them, and not speak harshly to
them, no matter how mild the words, and not to do anything that they dislike
or refuse to do anything permissible that they love.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“And your
Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to
your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life,
say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in
terms of honour.
And lower
unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My
Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small’”
[al-Isra’
17:23-24].
It was narrated from Hishaam ibn ‘Urwah that his father said:
“And lower unto them the wing of submission
and humility through mercy”
means: do not refuse to do anything that they love.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, in the
chapter: Leen al-Kalaam li’l-Waalidayn. Classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani.
Islam also guarantees the rights of the son when present his
case to his father or advise him, within the limits of the etiquette and
guidelines mentioned above, especially if he is wronged and wants to defend
himself, or if he sees his father committing some evil and wants to stop him
doing it.
Think about the well-mannered discussion between the Prophet
of Allah Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) and his father who associated others
in worship with the Lord of the Worlds.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“And
mention in the Book (the Qur’an) Ibrahim (Abraham). Verily! He was a man of
truth, a Prophet.
When he
said to his father: ‘O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not,
sees not and cannot avail you in anything?
‘O my
father! Verily! There has come to me of knowledge that which came not unto
you. So follow me. I will guide you to a Straight Path.
‘O my
father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily! Shaytaan (Satan) has been a
rebel against the Most Beneficent (Allah).
‘O my
father! Verily! I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allah)
overtake you, so that you become a companion of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the
Hell-fire).’
He (the
father) said: ‘Do you reject my gods, O Ibrahim (Abraham)? If you stop not
(this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely before I punish
you.’
Ibrahim
(Abraham) said: ‘Peace be on you! I will ask Forgiveness of my Lord for you.
Verily! He is unto me, Ever Most Gracious.’”
[Maryam
19:41-47].
And Allah knows best.
