What if parents object to some Sunnahs for no valid reason, such as the beard, for example, and they order their son to shave it off, on the grounds that the Shaafa‘i madhhab thinks that doing so is makrooh, not haraam, and that letting the beard grow long is a kind of extremism? Is it obligatory to obey them in this case, or can he ignore them on the basis that he does not have to obey them in such matters?


Praise
be to Allah

The basic principle is that the
parents have no right to object to their child following the Sunnah and
noble Prophetic teachings, whether those Sunnahs have to do with the
rights of Allah and acts of worship, or interactions with other people,
morals and manners. The Islamic texts which enjoin obedience to parents
are based on the requirement to treat them kindly, take care of them,
look after their affairs and avoid upsetting them, even by one’s words.
There is nothing in those texts to suggest that the son should obey
their instructions outside of this framework. There is nothing in them
either to suggest that obedience to them should be given precedence over
obedience to Allah and His Messenger. 

Imam as-Sarkhasi (may Allah have mercy on
him) said: 

With regard to any journey that a man
wishes to undertake, apart from jihad, whether it is for the purpose of
trade or Hajj or ‘Umrah, if his parents object to that, and he does not fear
that they may be neglected and face hardship in is absence, then there is
nothing wrong with him travelling, because in most cases such journeys are
safe, and they will not experience severe hardship as a result of his
departure. Grief at his absence is warded off by the hope of his safe
return. But if there is any fear of danger to him in that journey, such as
if he is travelling by sea, then in that case the ruling is the same as the
ruling on his going out for jihad, because the danger of death in that case
is more obvious. 

With regard to travelling for the purpose
of acquiring knowledge, if the route is safe, and it seems that the place to
which he is headed is safe, then it is no different to travelling for the
purpose of trade. In fact this is more important, because Allah, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“out of each community, a group should
go out to gain understanding of the religion”

[at-Tawbah 9:122].

So there is nothing wrong with him going
out for that purpose, even if his parents object, so long as there is no
fear of them being neglected and facing hardship in his absence. 

End quote from Sharh as-Siyar al-Kabeer
(196-197) 

Shaykh Abu Bakr at-Tartooshi said in his
book Birr al-Waalidayn: 

There is no obedience to parents with
regard to giving up a regular Sunnah, such as attending prayers in
congregation, or not praying the two rak‘ahs before Fajr, or Witr prayer,
and so on, if they ask him to give that up on a permanent basis. 

This is unlike the case if they call him
when the time for the prayer begins; in that case it is obligatory to obey
them, even if he misses out on the virtue of praying when the time for the
prayer first begins. 

End quote from al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah
al-Kuwaitiyyah (8/71)

We have previously quoted a statement of
the fuqaha’ concerning this matter, and have explained the guidelines on
obligatory obedience to parents in some detail. That is in fatwas no.
1176, 1185,
40283, 98382,
101105, 166428 and
174831 

However, the child should excuse himself
to his parents by speaking kindly and in a good manner, discussing the
matter politely, so as to avoid worse problems – Allah forbid. In all of
that, he should affirm to his parents the virtue of the Prophet’s Sunnah and
the etiquette prescribed in Islam, and he should make up for not obeying
them in that matter by serving them in other ways, giving them a gift, or
compromising in some other matter, so that he may reassure them. 

Regardless of whether shaving off the
beard is haraam or makrooh, neither the parents nor anybody else has the
right to issue instructions that are contrary to the command of Allah and
His Messenger. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) instructed that the beard should be allowed to grow in more than one
hadith. 

An exception to that is if letting the
beard grow in some country maybe a direct cause of exposing one to
persecution and danger. In that case we would advise him to listen to his
parents’ request out of mercy and compassion towards them, so that no
hardship will befall him that would cause them distress. 

For more information on the ruling on
beards, please see the following fatwas: 100909,
219947. 

And Allah knows best.