The husband’s responsibility to educate his wife

Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over
which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from
executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
commanded”[al-Tahreem 66:6] 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you
is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer
(ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his
flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is
responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and
children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his
master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138;
Muslim, 1829) 

From these two texts it is quite clear that
a man is responsible for his family with regard to teaching them and making
sure that they follow Islam, and he should use forceful measures when
necessary and when that is the only way to serve this purpose. Allaah will
call every shepherd to account for whatever was under his care, so whoever
neglects his wife and children in this regard is undoubtedly taking a great
risk. Indeed, there is a stern warning issued to such people which makes the
flesh crawl. In Saheeh al-Bukhaari (7151) and Saheeh Muslim
(142), in Kitaab al-Imaarah, it is narrated that Ma’fil ibn Yasaar
al-Muzni (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of
Allaah () peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no
slave to whom Allaah has entrusted the care of people, and he dies
neglecting his flock, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.” 

So a man’s responsibility towards his wife
is great indeed and he must fear Allaah and do the best he can to fulfil it,
whilst always making du’aa’ for himself and his family, that they may be
guided and granted strength. 

As far as the wife is concerned, she is also
accountable and is responsible for her own actions, because the obligations
of sharee’ah apply to both men and women, except in cases where Islam
differentiates between them in some rulings, such as when it says that it is
better for a woman to pray in her own home than in the mosque, in order to
protect her from mixing with men. Hence it is narrated in Sunan
al-Tirmidhi (113) and elsewhere that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are the twin halves of men”.
This was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi,
1/35. 

In the hadeeth quoted above it states
that the woman is also a shepherd and is responsible for her flock. And
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Every person is a pledge for that which
he has earned”

[al-Toor 52:21] 

“And everyone of them will come to Him
alone on the Day of Resurrection (without any helper, or protector or
defender)”

[Maryam 19:95] 

So responsibility is an individual
matter, and each person will be brought to account on his own. So when a
young man grows up, if he goes astray because of his parents’ bad upbringing
and the message of Islam reached him, then he will have no excuse, because
Allaah gave him the power of reason and therefore he is accountable, even
though his father will be accountable for falling short in supervising his
child’s Islamic upbringing, and he (the father) is even more accountable
with regard to his wife.  So the wife must fear her Lord and give thanks to
Allaah for His blessings for having given her the blessing of Islam, unlike
the kuffaar. She should do her duty towards Allaah by doing that which is
obligatory and refraining from forbidden things. She should know that death
may come suddenly and that after death there will be the reckoning and
questioning, and after that there will be either Paradise and eternal
delight that will never end, or Hell with fire that could melt firmly rooted
mountains and huge rocks, so what about our weak bodies? We ask Allaah to
save us from it. 

With regard to you, my dear brother, you
have to repent sincerely. No matter how great one’s sin, if a person repents
and meets all the conditions of repentance, Allaah will accept his
repentance. Then start to teach and guide your wife, using a gradual
approach and kindness, accompanied by wisdom, asking Allaah to help you and
give you strength. See also Question No.
10680 for more information on this
topic. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.